i'll try to smile so the hurt won't show, rmb that phrase i used for my old blog? ummm, maybe not that many people knows about it. hey wait, who actually knew about it? ahh, i'm sorry. i'm not really feeling that good right now. feels really dejected, so i really won't be coming to school tomorrow. hafta create another new smile now, i really need it. it's bleeding again, very much so. i doubt anyone knows what i'm actually talking about, but i guess it's better that way. i know i should learn to show my true emotions, but does it help? from experience, i know it doesn't. so isn't it better to cover it up with as much facade as possible? it'll make life better for everyone. and the world will be a much better place, but again who cares about this damn bloody world when their own world is sucha sucky place? life sucks, i hate it. i just wish i could die any minute, any second from now. don't worry, i won't commit suicide or anything, like what peterson then said, what doesn't kill you will make you stronger. nothing killed me yet, but did i gain strength from all these obstacles in life? why must life be like this? why must life be like that? why is it that hard to like someone? yes, i know that i shouldn't expect much from it, but is it my fault that i feel that way? why must you do sucha thing to me? jerk! asshole! i hate you! fine, i'll never talk to you again, is that all you want? get out of my life! not like i ever wanted you to enter it, you just did and miraculously, you became a part of it and now you want to quit. fine then, get out of my life! i repeat, get out of it and take away all the footprints you've ever left behind! don't even leave a single one behind!
i'm so mad with myself! why can't i be more honest about my feelings. yes, i know it'll end up this way, but i don't wish for it to happen, not so soon at least. what's wrong with letting me go on dreaming a little? just let me enjoy my dream at least. what everyone said was right, i shouldn't have trusted it. perhaps there's really noone worth trusting in this world. but i don't want to be alone! you know it, i hate being alone. if there's anything that's worth than dieing, it'll be living a life without anyone, especially the people i cared so much about. it really hurts, when will it stop bleeding? when will it heal? don't "only time will tell me", i'm sick of such advice! yes, i'm an idiot for trusting you, i'm an even bigger idiot for even liking you. i'm really sorry for being such an idiot then. if it scares you that much, you shouldn't even acted like you cared in the first place. whatever, just ignore me, i'm just another piece of trash in this world anyway. how i wish the day i'd say "goodbye world" would finally come, then i could proudly say that my life wasn't at all worth living and boastfully proclaim that i've wasted the world's resources.
*say you love me