he just read my blog sum time ago? no reaction as usual. there's so many things i 'd like to tell him right now. but it all seemed unnecessary. im so afraid, so very afraid of losing everything. even this friendship im still holding on to. i know tt it'll never end. cos, something that hasn't had any beginning won't have an end. i wish somehow he'd know. i wish he'd understand what im feeling now.
urmm, which is better? living in a world of reality or living in a world full of lies? white lies that is. still can't find an answer. i wanna live in a world of white lies, but at the very end, the truth will still surface, won't it? but again, living in a world of reality seemed far too cruel for me. i can't take it.
was browsing thru some pages abt depression just now. saw their symptoms of depression. like prolonged unhappiness, suicide thoughts, lethargy, etc etc..i seemed to fulfil most of it. am i depressed? i wish sumhow he'd care. like show it. some words of concern? some hugs of comfort? i don't know. think im giving him a headache already. why am i always making those around me so unhappy? why why why? why can't i be just the me that i was back then. the me that could cheer him up when he's having mood swings? the me that'd make him miss me? i seem to be so different now. that's what i feel. perhaps im thinking a lil too much.
*say you love me